Origin of the Novel Species Noodleous doubleous: Evidence for Intelligent Design

Thomas D. Schneider, Ph.D.
> Frederick, MD <center>

Abstract

Penne Rigate will spontaneously insert itself into Rigatoni (order pasta) under liquid to gas transition conditions of H₂O to create the previously unobserved species Noodleous doubleous. The estimated probability of this spontaneous generation event is too low to be explained by thermodynamics and therefore apparently represents intelligent design.

 

Introduction

 

It has been claimed by Intelligent Design advocates^* that patterns observed in nature with a sufficiently low probability provide direct evidence for intelligent design, i.e., God. Here I report evidence for the spontaneous formation of a new life form in a prebiotic pasta soup.

Materials and Methods

> <center><font color="#ff0000">Figure<font> 1: dry pasta.

Approximately 2.5 l of pre-filtered, activated carbon filtered and reverse-osmosis purified H₂O (BestWater, Shaklee Corporation 4747 Willow Road Pleasanton, CA 94588, www.shaklee.com) was poured into a 24.0 cm (inner diameter) 4.7 l open metal nonstick-coated container (Mirro Corporation, Manitowc, WI 54220, USA) to a final depth of approximately 5 cm, and brought to 100^o C (liquid to gas transition). No NaCl was added. Approximately 40 pieces each of S. Penne Rigate (San Giorgio, New World Pasta Co. Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17112-6457, USA, www.sangiorgio.com, Figure 1, left) and B. Rigatoni (Barilla America, Inc, Lincolnshire, IL 60069, USA, www.barilla.com, Figure 1, right) were dropped into the boiling 100^o C H₂O. At approximately 5 minutes intervals the mixture was stirred with a flat lignin paddle. At ~18 minutes the mixture was stirred a final time and then poured through a rigid plastic netting (square holes, sizes 3mm x 4mm and 4mm x 4mm) to capture the final products.

 

Results

 

> <center><font color="#ff0000">Figure<font> 2: sample of pasta freshly captured from its native environment (background froth).

Figure 2 shows a randomly collected sample from the native 100^o C H₂O environment in which several Penne Rigate are inserted into Rigatoni. The sample pasta are suspended on the flat lignin paddle. No particular selection was made to obtain this sample which contains 5 Rigatoni and 6 Penne Rigate. Three (60%) of the Rigatoni contain Penne Rigate inserts. Note that a portion of the environment can be observed on the right side of the image as a white froth containing gas enclosed sphericals. It is impossible to observe the pasta through this froth without disturbing the environment. There is some evidence for ordered patterning of the environment in which the pasta are oriented vertically, but this was destroyed by stirring. Note that the H₂O depth is substantially the same as the length of the two kinds of pasta.

> <center><font color="#ff0000">Figure<font> 3: captured population sample.

Figure 3 shows the final captured population in which 4 N. doubleous are visible. It is thought that conditions were no longer authentic al dente at the end of the experiment and the violence of the trawling capture probably disturbed the neophytes. This could account for the reduced number of observed N. doubleous compared to the rapid sampling shown in Figure 2.

> <font color="#ff0000">Figure<font> 4: Components of Noodleous doubleous. From left to right: dry Penne Rigate; dry Rigatoni; example Penne Rigate sampled at 18 minutes; example Rigatoni sampled at 18 minutes; example Penne Rigate inserted into Rigatoni to create N. doubleous sampled at 18 minutes.

As shown in Figure 4, boiled Penne Rigate (length ~5.0 cm, outer diameter 1.0 cm) can just barely fit inside boiled Rigatoni (length ~5.3 cm, inner diameter 1.3 cm) with a clearance of perhaps 0.15 cm. Under the turbulent thermal conditions sliding one pasta tube into the other should be strongly disfavored. No differences were observed between these samples and any others taken from the environment.

> <center><font color="#ff0000">Figure<font> 5: Dissection of Noodleous doubleous.

To examine the internal organs, an N. doubleous was dissected (Figure 5). We note that the two sub-species fit together closely. The tissue of Penne Rigate is notably lighter than that of Rigatoni. Also evident was the smooth interior wall of Rigatoni.

> <center><font color="#ff0000">Figure<font> 6: Bubble plumes observed in environment detached from heat source. Three bubble patches can be observed emerging from the dorsal end of Rigatoni tubes.

To confirm the observation the experiment was repeated at a later date. In an attempt to observe internal conditions the environment was gently removed from the heat source without stirring or sloshing. Although this allows the environment to cool, it is likely that the configuration of the pasta is approximately that in the natural environment. Figure 6 documents two related phenomena. First, Rigatoni are frequently oriented vertically while many Penne Rigate are oriented horizontally or at 45^o to the vertical. Second, bubble plumes emerge from the dorsal end of Rigatoni tubes.

> <center><font color="#ff0000">Figure<font> 7: N. doubleous observed in heat-source detached environment.

The environment was re-attached to the heat source and allowed to normalize. It was then removed again for inspection. Numerous N. doubleous were observed (Figure 7).

A calculation was performed to determine the probability of the observed insertion events (Table 1).

Table 1: IDiotic calculation*
Rigatoni length (cm):	5.3
Rigatoni outer diameter (cm, from Figure 4):	1.7
Rigatoni cylinder surface (length * outer diameter * π), cm2:	28.3
Rigatoni cylinder ends ((outer diameter/2)2 * π * 2), cm2:	4.5
Rigatoni total surface (surface + ends), cm2:	32.8
Based on the estimated clearance of insertion, 0.15 cm, > using the clearance as the radius of a circle <br> into which the insertion must be made, > the target for insertion from either end is (2 * &pi; * clearance<sup>2<sup>), cm2:	0.035
Actually the target is much bigger because the tip of the > <i>Penne Rigate<i> is pointy. It is better to use the inner diameter less the > <i>Penne Rigate<i> tip, which is roughly 0.3 cm (Figure 4). > So compute: (2 * &pi; * (inner diameter - tip)<sup>2<sup>), cm2:	1.571
Probability of one insertion during a random encounter > is the target area divided by the <i>Rigatoni<i> total surface:	4.78x10-02
Fraction of observed insertions (Figure 2):	0.6
Number of available Rigatoni:	40
Estimated total number of insertions (40 * 0.6):	24
Probability of all these insertions by random encounter:	2.05x10-32
*This calculation was performed according to standard Intelligent Design (IDiotic) methods. > It was performed using the <a href="http:/www.lecb.ncifcrf.gov/~toms/delila/calc.html">calc program with input idiotic.calc.

 

Discussion

 

This paper reports an observation of spontanoodlus generation in which Penne Rigate inserts within Rigatoni to create a new species dubbed Noodleous doubleous.

The Vertical Flow Hypothesis proposes that Rigatoni become vertically oriented in the convective flow of phase transitioning liquid H₂O, thereby increasing the heat dissipation rate. This proposal is supported by the observation of bubble plumes on the dorsal side of Rigatoni (Figure 6). It is feasible that horizontally oriented Penne Rigate that are close to the bottom of the environment are drawn upward into the ventral side of Rigatoni. The Penne Rigate are not fully ejected through the Rigatoni because the dorsal end of the Rigatoni is close to the liquid surface and the process does not have enough energy to lift the Penne Rigate into the environmental froth. The Penne Rigate would therefore be caught inside the Rigatoni.

However, the probability of an insertion event as proposed by the Vertical Flow Hypothesis is calculated to be extremely low (Table 1), so we are forced to conclude that the process was guided by some form of external intelligence. The experimenter was not responsible for this scalding task. The high temperature liquid was undergoing a rapid phase transition and liquid Dihydrogen Monoxide is extremely dangerous. Given these extreme sterilizing conditions, no known life forms could have survived immersion. We therefore conclude that this supernatural insertion process was done by the Hand of God.

 

Conclusion

 

Although it is considered unethical to destroy incipient life-forms, thereby causing them to go extinct, the experimenter was hungry so he ate them anyway.

 

Notes added in proof

 

H₂O is also known as Dihydrogen Monoxide, an extremely dangerous substance. It was responsible for the destruction of the city of New Orleans in 2005. See careful research of the Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division, www.dhmo.org, for further information.

A viable hypothesis is that a divine Noodly Appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was responsible for the effect. These results are therefore strong empirical in support of Flying Spaghetti Monsterism.

 

References

 

1. Flying Spaghetti Monsterism by Bobby Henderson
2. Flying Spaghetti Monsterism at Wikipedia
3. Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division, www.dhmo.org
4. The AND-Multiplication Error. We didn't make this mistake. No, never.
5. Commentary at: The Panda's Thumb.

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> <p><a name="idiots"><!-- * IDiots stands for <u>I<u>ntelligent Design is Involved in the Origin of The Species. -->* Intelligent Design is Involved in the Origin of The Species.

 

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